The last question is finally finished. Boy am I glad, I blanked for a second on stage. I wonder if I should hug Cassandra when she wins? I sure hope she wins, she’s been acting like a bitch since last night. As if she included in her speech that she should win Pageant Queen because she’s a good role model for others – that’s pretty arrogant!
Alex looks so handsome in his tie, I must look hot, he’s been staring at me all night. Or else I have something in my teeth. The latter is more likely. Oh my gawd! His arms are so buff! He must, like, do bicep curls or something. Wait, what is going on?
Okay. Cassandra knows what she is doing, follow Cassandra. Oh no! It must be almost time for the crowning if everyone is lining up again. Boy, does Maggie ever look nervous. I think she’s going to puke.
Why is Rebecca crying? They haven’t even announced the Queen yet. It must be about her dad. I’ll just give her a little hug. There. She’ll feel better now.
Cassandra Davis, stop pacing! You’ve won the pageant! We know it, you know it. It’s probably fixed every year. Oh shit! Where’s my earring? We have to go out in ten seconds and my earring falls out! I shouldn’t have been spinning it. I can’t believe Alex is on his hands and knees looking for the back to my earrings. He is so awesome, maybe we’ll get married!
Okay. Don’t play with your earrings. When Cassandra wins, be nice, give her a hug.
I wonder who will get Runner Up?
I can’t believe the stupid Miss Congeniality thing. Why would they pick a name out of a hat? Lindsay and Emma are pretty pissed about that…how do they know that they are the two names in the hat?
I should never have entered this stupid pageant. I hate pageants. I hate Pageant Queens. I should have at least practiced longer than this morning. Why did Cassandra get her questions a month ago? That’s pretty suspicious.
Okay, okay, it’s time to sit down. You’ve faked confidence this far, you can do it. Nerves of steel, babe. Alex is so frickin’ hot. Okay girl – shoulders back, back straight, smile. Link arms with Alex. I love his arms. Walk sexy yet demure. Don’t strut too much. I hope I’m not slouching.
There’s Ben Thompson! Why is he here? Is that Todd with him? I hope they look at me. Yes boys, take a good look…I clean up well.
Okay, sit dainty. Why is Cassandra congratulating me and tapping me on the back? Is she trying to be humble before she gets the crown? Maybe I’ve misread her this whole time and she isn’t a horrible vixen out to get the crown at all costs. I am a horrible person.
Uh Oh! Alex looks like he’s glaring at Cassandra. I don’t think he likes her very much. Maybe the glare was for me to think he doesn’t like her when he really does like her. She’s awfully pretty. Listen, Cassandra Davis, you do what you want with the crown when you get it, but you stay away from my man!
Why is everyone smiling at me? Have I fallen out of my dress? Nope. Boobs are in. I can’t be giving Alex an eye-full over there. Maybe I’ll just give my dress a little puller upper. I can’t believe none of us girls are wearing bras. At least I am not the only one. What does Mom expect with half inch straps? I am never going to wear a strapless bra. Those things are accidents waiting to happen.
Okay, Maggie and Lindsay are getting up. Time to go on stage. Keep nose at friendly level. Back straight. Why isn’t Alex jumping out of his seat? He’s not having fun, I can tell. I should have asked someone else. I don’t think Alex likes being in the spotlight. Uh oh! We’re moving!
Up the steps. Slowly. Don’t trip and fall on your ass, whatever you do! Walk across the stage, line up with the rest of the girls. Is Cassandra pushing me? Maybe I should walk faster.
Are these lights ever bright! I wonder where they buy them. Oh my gawd! Why are there so many speeches!? Why is Emily Henry saying a speech? Wasn’t she only Runner Up last year? Holy shit she wears alot of makeup! She’s pretty though, in an “I’m sponsored by M.A.C. cosmetics” sort of way. How long is she going to talk?
Marsha Gibson! She’s gorgeous. I wonder if the judges knew when they crowned her last year that she beat that chick up. Probably not. I haven’t seen Jeff in awhile. Maybe the boot camp rumours are true.
I wonder if I have a chance at winning.
Aww, I can’t believe Jen and Christina are in the front row. They look so excited for me. I think they are going to hop out of their seats.
I wish Alex could have stayed on stage…I don’t want to be here. This is my mom’s dream, not mine. What am I doing? I am going to look like a fool when I lose whether I wanted it or not.
Why does that judge keep smiling at me?
Okay, they’re finally going to call Miss Congeniality up. Why does the stupid emcee keep stalling? I have things to do when this is over. I didn’t know this dumb pageant was going to take three hours!
Maybe I’ll win Miss Congeniality. I am usually pretty congenial.
Lindsay! Oh my god! I have to hug her. I love her so much. Why isn’t she moving? Get going, girl! You just won! She looks so cute walking down the runway. AHH! I need a copy of this DVD. I have to hug her. She is so cute!
Is it time for Runner Up? I have no idea who will get this. Maybe I’ll be Runner Up. Jen and Christina are so great. I am so happy they are here! Is he still talking? No wonder he’s the emcee, he never shuts up. Let’s get on with it.
Could I win Runner Up? I didn’t even forget anything. Last year, Marsha forgot her speech and she won Queen! So maybe I’ll get Runner Up.
My eyes are really stinging. I think I might have an infection from my contacts. These lights aren’t helping anything. I can’t stop blinking. I must look like such a ditz! I wonder how many people are in the audience. I can only see Jen, Christina and the judges. These lights are burning holes in my eyes.
Oh yeah, Miss Runner Up. Why is Cassandra asking me if Miss Runner Up walks the aisle? How the hell am I supposed to know? Maybe I should have paid attention during practice instead of goofing off with Alex. I wish Alex was closer and not halfway across the room.
I don’t get it. “It shouldn’t be too hard for Miss Runner Up to walk the aisle with Miss Congeniality?” Why would it be hard? Maybe I should be listening to this guy. Lindsay! Again! Frig. I didn’t see that coming. I can’t believe she won two things! Has that happened before!? The judges must really think she’s cute. She looks great in her little dress. She’s so short though. I wonder if she’ll ever grow? Well, her figure has rounded out a bit this year, that’s a good thing. She won’t look like she’s twelve anymore. She’s smiling like there’s no tomorrow. Gotta love that kid.
Oh well, I tried and I lost. No big deal. Why are Jen and Christina still smiling? Don’t they realize the pageant is over for me? It’s too bad Maggie and Rebecca didn’t win anything either. They’re sweet.
Well, I have to be a good sport until the end. Keep smiling! Shoulders back, back straight, smile.
The judges said the vote for Queen was unanimous. Duh. Cassandra’s been practicing for a month. She wants this so bad. I hope she’s less bitchy when she finally gets the crown. I mean, this was supposed to be fun, right?
Better pay attention, he’s about to call Cassandra’s name.
Maybe I’ll win Pageant Queen…Nah.